One of the most heartbreaking things to discover when divorcing is that your young child believes they are the reason for the divorce.
This is a hitch in the divorce process that parents need to know about, just in case it happens in their family. Here’s why children sometimes blame themselves for a family breakup:
The center of their own world
It has been shown that young children have an egocentric view of the world. Thus, they may see themselves as having a far greater impact on events than they actually do.
Research shows that children between the ages of two and five are particularly vulnerable to this kind of thinking and blame themselves for their parents’ marital troubles. Between the ages of five and eight, they are likely to take divorce as a personal affront rather than just something that can happen between adults – but they are more likely to think of it as a parent’s fault, rather than their own.
What do they think caused it?
If you think about some of the more vivid feats of imagination your child has risen to – monsters under the bed, teddy bears that can talk, etc., then it’s clear that their mind could range far and wide in pinpointing the exact thing or things they did to supposedly cause the divorce. Don’t expect their reasoning to be logical to you.
If a parental fight happened shortly after a child had a tantrum, for example, they may think they caused the fight. It can be something very small.
What can you do?
Reassuring your young child that the divorce is not their fault is crucial, even if they never mention it. Equally important is reassuring them that you and your spouse love them and will continue to love them and care for them once the divorce is through.
Seeking legal guidance can help you create a well-thought-out plan that better serves your child’s needs and helps provide the stability they will need going forward.